


I Won't Go Where the Sun Doesn't Shine

by alwaysastorm



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Formula One, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 09:57:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysastorm/pseuds/alwaysastorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written after Hockenheim 2010 for the LiveJournal F1 Slash Kink meme.</p>
<p>
  <i>The air in the small, cramped motorhome room was stifling; the mood sombre.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Won't Go Where the Sun Doesn't Shine

The air in the small, cramped motorhome room was stifling; the mood sombre. 

Felipe threw his hands up in the air.

"Here we are again."

Rob gave a nod, exhaling slowly as he regarded Felipe's appearance. He looked exhausted after a difficult press conference and an even worse team de-brief. His eyes were dark and troubled, slightly red from the tears that Felipe had refused to shed while in the presence of Stefano and Fernando. It was only with Rob that he could let them fall; angrily stuffing clothes into a holdall and wiping his eyes every now and then with his sleeve. He was messy at the best of times but today he took no care packing away the array of red shirts and fleeces that Ferrari provided for him at each race. 

Suddenly he grabbed the bag and threw it onto the floor, practically collapsing onto the sofa and putting his head in his hands. When the voice came, it was muffled.

"I wanted to win."

"I know."

"I deserved it."

"...I _know_."

Rob felt helpless, standing facing Felipe, not knowing whether to reach out to him, or crack a joke to make Felipe smile, or sit down beside him and let his own body be racked with sobs. He certainly felt like doing that, but he had to be the stoic one, the one who kept a level head. Normally, he would have done all those things and more. On other days, they'd been able to rant about the engine together, or about that fuel hose that hadn't come off. On those days, circumstances had been completely out of his control. But today was different. Today was the fucking anniversary of Felipe’s accident. Today he had played a part in breaking the small man sitting in front of him, and he detested himself for it.

"Who told you to do it? Stefano? Chris?" Felipe looked up resentfully, his brown eyes flashing with accusations. "Fernando?"

Rob scratched the back of his head. There was no point going through the whole discussion there had been on the pit wall.

“It was just something the team had to do, Felipe. I don’t think it’s right, or agree with it, but we have to think ahead to the next race and try to put this shitstorm behind us.”

Felipe stood up, and Rob could practically feel the heat of his anger radiating off him. He took a step back instinctively, seeing Felipe’s jaw jut out stubbornly, his mouth curled into a bitter smile as he waved his hand exasperatedly.

“You,” he hissed. “You could have ignored them, not told me. You could have let me do my race.”

He ranted on, spewing out swear words, cursing the team, Fernando, Rob, himself. Rob watched him pace the small room, sometimes chattering in Portuguese, or Italian - or English when one of his many insults was directed at the one person who was there to take it out on. And Rob let him. Let Felipe say everything he wanted to say behind closed doors. Rob took the brunt of his driver’s anger, realising that it wasn’t about him; knowing that Felipe would never consider him to be at fault. Rob knew that he blamed himself enough for both of them. He’d take the verbal beating so that it would be well and truly out of Felipe’s system before he had to see Stefano and Luca.

Felipe finally stopped speaking, turning to look at Rob once more. There was no anger in the eyes this time, but there was no determination in them either. They’d been through bad times before; it always seemed to be the two of them that had everything thrown at them, but usually it wasn’t long before the defiance lit up Felipe’s eyes again and he started to think ahead to the next race. Rob knew what the outside world thought of the Brazilian; that he was slightly fragile and over-emotional, but even after so many knockbacks, Felipe’s mental strength and will to go on astounded him. 

Not this time. Rob looked and couldn’t see the fire there anymore. He thought of how a year previously he’d been sitting beside Felipe’s hospital bed waiting for that fire to return, and now, here, he was doing the same thing. At least then Felipe had had the entire support of the team behind him. Today it was obvious he felt betrayed and alone.

“I... I don’t blame you,” Felipe eventually said, giving Rob a light punch on the arm by way of saying sorry. “At least it was you that told me.”

“I’m sorry, mate,” Rob sighed, returning the punch; not daring to touch him any further. “I wanted you to win that race. It was fucking written in the stars. It was yours.”

“Ours,” Felipe said hoarsely.

And then the embrace that Rob had craved since that fateful lap happened, and Felipe was pressed against him, his head in the nook between Rob’s chest and arm. Rob kissed him on the top of the head lightly, shutting his eyes in a mixture of pleasure and relief; not realising how much he’d needed this to help heal his own disappointment. He silently prayed for Felipe to find his will to fight back but the body against his was defeated and accepting of its fate.

"I'm... the team's number 2," Felipe half-sobbed, his voice cracking.

Rob wrapped a hand around the back of Felipe's head, pressing his forehead against his driver's so that his lips brushed against Felipe's cheek when he spoke.

"Not while I'm there, Felipe. Not while I'm there."

As he spoke, he fleetingly wondered if he had a future at Ferrari to ensure Felipe got equal treatment, but he meant every word. As far as he was concerned, from now on he was in a team of two.

Felipe pulled away briefly, an eyebrow raised and a slight smile quivering over his lips. Rob felt his heart thud a little harder as a quizzical, slightly mocking look came into Felipe’s eyes.

“What did that word mean?”

“Magnanimous?”

“I don’t know, whatever it was you said.”

Rob threw his head back and allowed himself a laugh. But his face fell serious as he placed his hands on Felipe’s shoulders, leaning in towards the tanned face in front of him.

“It means you’re generous.”

Rob placed a quick kiss on Felipe’s cheek, relieved to find Felipe didn’t flinch away from him.

“It means you’re forgiving.”

A kiss on Felipe’s other cheek.

“It means you’re brave.”

This time Rob allowed his lips to linger, lightly tasting Felipe’s skin with his tongue.

“It means you’re a better person than any of them could ever hope to be.”

The tongue traced its way toward Felipe’s mouth, probing and pleading with the full lips to open.

“It means...”

As Felipe’s mouth found his, Rob accepted the lips with a sigh, knowing that he’d put everything on the line for this man. They both had separate lives; separate families, but on race weekends, sometimes Rob couldn’t fathom where he ended and Felipe began. 

Now more than ever, it was them out on their own.


End file.
